Disclaimer: This piece was originally written while I was earning my M.A. in Journalism at New York University. I interviewed Pastor Paul Little in 2022 and wasn’t sure when—or if—I would have the opportunity to share his story. Today, I’m grateful to finally release it. My hope is that this article encourages BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) communities to know that it’s okay to lean on both faith and mental healthcare. One does not have to replace the other.

Content Warning: This article discusses a tragic incident involving death by suicide and mental illness. Reader discretion is advised.

It was a quintessential Sunday at Union Tabernacle Baptist Church of Americus, Georgia, on Nov.10, 2013. Except for one thing: Pastor Teddy Parker Jr. of Bibb Mt. Zion Baptist Church had yet to deliver the celebration sermon for Pastor Larry B. Sims’ anniversary. 

The congregation filled the brown benches of the church; feets are planted firmly on the blue carpet. The lights shine down on church-goers like spotlights, and white walls surround them like angel wings.

Parker’s wife, Larrinecia Sims Parker (the daughter of Pastor Sims), and their two daughters sat on a bench among others, waiting for their beloved Parker to lead them into worship, but in vain. There was a sense of uneasiness and then growing alarmed among the church-goers. 

“You could see people moving and running throughout the sanctuary; it was like something doesn’t feel right,” said Pastor Paul Little over a Zoom call while wearing a blue and white button-up with a collar. “He didn’t believe in being late. He was always a very timely person.” 

Little, then 41, sat with his wife Natalie, waiting too for Parker. Fearing Parker got into an accident, Larrinecia left with other church members back to Macon, Georgia, an hour and 19 minutes from Americus, to find out where her husband was. Their daughters stayed at the church, and Little was asked to preach in Parker’s place. Church continued without Parker. 

Following the church service, Little, his wife, Parker’s daughters, and other members stayed behind, waiting for more information on Parker’s whereabouts. Then a phone call. Larrinecia had returned to the driveway of their Warner Robins home to find her husband sitting in his car. There he was—dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. 

“It was chaotic,” said Little following the devastating news. “I mean, it was … we were broken. I mean, our pastor was a very loving individual, very caring. He was introverted by nature but very friendly and pleasant to be around. It shook us to the core.” 

Perhaps Parker’s death was foreshadowed. In a 2010 sermon on YouTube titled Facing Your Storm With Confidence, Parker said: “There are times in my life when I’m going through some stuff where I can’t feel God there. I try to pray, but I don’t feel like God is hearing me.” 

“I try to serve, but I don’t feel like God is using me,” he continued. “And there are times in your life when God purposely withdraws from you. He doesn’t withdraw for the sake of leaving you, but he withdraws so you can grow and mature.”

Parker did seek help for his mental struggles but couldn’t step away from the church. “He (Parker) was diagnosed bipolar,” said Little. However, other reports say he was diagnosed with depression (a symptom of bipolar disorder), friend Dr. E. Dewey Smith Jr. of the House of Hope Atlanta told Christian News reporters (Clark, 2013). 

For Parker, he was just one of many Black people who dedicated their lives to the Lord and lifted their voices for praise and worship while battling the inner struggles that tug at their spirits. For centuries, Black folks held deep beliefs in Christianity, and the church served as a haven for Black people in the Jim Crow South. But before the Jim Crow South, Civil Rights Movement, and even the Black Panther Party, there was slavery. Worship became an escape from the daily brutality enslaved people faced, wrote Lisa Sutton in What Role Does The African- American Church Play When Meeting The Mental Health Needs of Its African- American Parishioners? (Sutton, 2020). 

The church can sometimes push mental health stigma by believing church-goers can pray mental health issues away. I felt the same way. I, too, fell into believing that I could pray my mental illness away. I held in my mental and emotional wounds for years until I was admitted to a hospital for behavioral health treatment in Atlanta, Georgia. 

Little is unlike me. He sought help immediately outside the church when he found out he was suffering from anxiety. “About three years ago, I experienced chronic fatigue, burnout,” he said. “It gave way to a lot of physical ailments and psychological ailments.” Then the pandemic. Then the loss of his father. Then the diagnosis of his lymphedema – a form of cancer. Everything seemed to pile on Little at once. But, he continued to attend regular therapy, adding grief counseling to his self-care regime, and went on sabbatical from the church. 

“The practical steps that I took to address those issues when they came up. I didn’t put it aside and say, ‘Man, I feel so funny. Mm, no, it’s nothing,’” said Little. “I went immediately and talked to the therapist, and when I felt stuff in my body, I easily went to the doctor.” Little, a husband of 13 years with no children, started ministry at age 19 but never completed a Theology program. He later filled the shoes of someone he called a brother since he was 21-years-old the following year. 

Parker was laid to rest on Saturday, Nov. 16, 2013, at 11 a.m. at the Fellowship Bible Baptist Church in Warner Robins, Georgia – where he was ordained at age 22. He had served as pastor of Bibb Mt. Zion Baptist Church since July 1997. The death of Parker still has a lasting effect on Little. “I still have moments where I think about him and think about that day because I was a part of that day,” he said. “It’s forever etched into my history and the history of our church.” 

For Black men and women, mental illness and bipolar disorder are not storms to be prayed away, but wounds that can be tended with faith, care, and courage. May your faith be a balm, your therapy a sanctuary, and together, may we rise to break the silence and heal the heart of the Black church.

References: 

Clark, H. (2013, November 19). Georgia Pastor Commits Suicide Just Months After Stopping Man from Killing Himself. Christian News. https://christiannews.net/2013/11/19/georgia-pastor-commits-suicide-just-months-after-stopping-man-from-killing-himself/

Sutton, L. (2020). What Role Does the African American Church Play When Meeting the Mental Health Needs of its African American Parishioners? National Louis University. https://digitalcommons.nl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1510&context=diss